Mr Stabby - written by Joel Veitch, animation by Weebl

(Knicked shamelessly from theB3ta NEWSLETTER)

[Insert macho hangover description of choice here]

Wluuuurggggh. Luke's send-off last night. Tired and emotional.

It completely bites that London shall now be Lukeless. I hope nasty things happen to his erstwhile employers for they richly deserve it.

"Just say no!"

Oh, for the love of Mike. Could this be any more insulting? Hello-oo! Slightly more intelligence than a cucumber over here!

(Via batman doesn't love me anymore)

Should a Christian Play Dungeons & Dragons?
More comedy fun from Chick Publications .

(Via Cruel Site of the Day)

"What's that in the flowerbed, Mummy?"

Started my newest day-job today. I turned up to find the reception office empty and the guy who was supposed to be showing me the ropes incommunicado. I spent about half an hour running around and trying to find someone to tell me what the funge I was supposed to be doing before having to go home and ring my agency because nobody at the company who'd hired me knew anything about the booking. In all it took me two hours to sort out.

The job consists of litterpicking and general cleaning round a tiny and very very expensive housing estate. Apparently it used to be a really dodgy area till they bulldozed it and slung up a pile of yuppie-bait flats with turquiose uPVC window frames. Now it's a yuppie area fringed with a strange incongruous rim of dodgyness: huge shiny people-carriers with metallic paintwork parked yards away from burnt-out, boarded-up flats. My job is to prevent the intrusion of any dodgyness into their turquiose uPVC lives, by fishing Macdonald's wrapping and used prophylactics out of the begonias. Oh, and checking that the punters at a nearby dodgy pub haven't chucked used syringes into the kids' play area. Scumbunnies.

'Course, if I decide I don't like this job I can always get another, e.g.: You shall live in the evil toilet. Your job shall be to smack guilty clocks.

(Job generator from Lukelog)

Project Cryo: Cool!

Via B3ta.

Death Row
I got a 12.

(Via memepool.com.)

He-cat or She-cat. A photo quiz from B3ta.

Killer Japanese Seizure Robots!
(Courtesy of fridgemagnet)

Ryan and Jacob are the intellect of tomorrow.

This one will run and run.
It started with a spam. The following began turning up in various people's inboxes:

There is something extremely wrong with every single person in this world. They seem to be part of a pointless simulation. "The Matrix" has portrayed this idea somewhat, yet we watch it and go back to our daily lives. Yet in this very life, underneath the seeming diversity in people's opinions, values, talents, and interests, there is something that makes everyone the same. It is as though this planet is populated only by mindless fakes, objects that provide the appearance of intellect on the surface but are based on only mechanical reflexes and primitive thought patterns. I don't really care if anything I say has been said before, if it was portrayed in movies, in books, or in the lyrics of some useless song. With 6 billion people covering the globe at any given time, thousands and thousands of years of written literature, probability dictates almost any combination of words has occurred numerous times. Yet there is clear evidence there was no action, so those words, just like the people who spoke them, must have been just more fakes. I am forced to use this language (also created by the fakes) because there is no alternative, so everything I write here could be misunderstood to make me sound like one of them, but it will be the action that I take and the dedication that will separate me from them.

In my estimation the fakes that occupy this planet don't make up 99%, but more like 99.9999999% of the population. I know this because I've searched, and in my search have so far only found one true ally (I have found him via the internet as well). But even with those numbers we would not give up because there is no logic in giving up.

The people on this planet are all fakes because the societies have made them this way. Ideas that populate people's minds have no logic or purpose. Concepts such as religion, god, morality, individualism, freedom, identity, happiness, love and billions of others are all just memes. Like parasites they infect the minds and spread from one person to the next. They have no point or purpose; they exist without any logical basis or foundation. The fakes are completely controlled by them, and they will never see beyond them. To not be controlled by them one must do more then just realize that they exist. One must resist any ideas that have no point, endlessly question, and never accept imperfection or compromise in any answer. We (myself and my ally) are different though. While we have had the limitation of existing only in these societies, something has made it possible for us to resist being indoctrinated into becoming one of those fakes. We have no arbitrary wants, needs, desires, or preferences.

If this world continues to exist the way it is then nothing in it will ever have a point. It will always be just a product of random evolution, one with no importance or relevance. The only logical goal is to dedicate our lives to increasing our numbers, those that aren't fakes, so that in thousands of years our numbers may be such that the fakes would no longer be a threat to progress.

Those that join us must see every other person occupying this planet as the enemy, and us as their only allies. Like us they must have dedication only to taking the most logical action, and to nothing else.

To tell you more about us, we've posted some personal information about ourselves on a website. You'll also find past responses to us on that webpage. Obviously anyone reading this email is most likely just another fake. Do not simply reply to this email, if you do your message will almost certainly be ignored. If you do wish to communicate, first demonstrate your interest by taking the effort to find us online, one of the ways to do that is described below.

Use a major search engine to search for every combination of any two words from the list below. The order of the words shouldn't matter as long as you do not search for them in quotes. Also when you pick the right combination you shouldn't need to look at more then the first matches...

perfect
theory
endless
desire
eternal
logic
driving
perpetual
vision
logical
infinite
dream
final
best
escape
objective
thought
only
ambition
clue
perfection


If this can't be solved, or if you never reach us, there should be no reason for you to give up as we will never give up and thus there will always be some way to find us.


--------------
Ryan and Jacob

Now, to save you the trouble, somebody actually took the time to track down these two geniuses, and roundly mock them in not one, but two articles.

The punchline? The Intellect of Tomorrow, who have so carefully covered their tracks and made it so very hard for any of us fakes to track them down, registered their domain under one of their real names.

Ladies, gentlemen and all those in between: I give you the future of humanity.

(Via the Barbelith Underground.)

Yeesh.

Decided to bung a little tagboard in my sidebar yesterday. I wasn't really expecting anyone to use it but I never get tired of toys. About two minutes later I came back to find that somebody had left me death threats and a few choice obscenities, apparently motivated by the fact that I'm a HOMOSEXUAL (his caps, not mine). Which was news to me. However am I going to break it to my boyfriend?

macboy.com: Switch Gates

(Found here: 0 fresh)

Look-- Logos linked to my blog! Two of'em, in fact. If Logos can link to my blog, then why can't you? Too good for me, or something? Bunch of stuck-up, toffee-nosed, non-my-blog-linking snobby snobs. I'm going to sulk now.

Barbeblogs of the Faculty of the Invisible College

Fun With Google

The latest dopey fad: typing "yourname is" into Google and then giggling over the results like a three-year-old on nitrous oxide. Thusly:

Mordant Is Iess.
mordant is a metal.
mordant is a sodium salt of humic acids, produced from lignite.
Mordant is in desperate need of.
mordant is required to dye linen.
Mordant is a kind of glaze.
'mordant' is based on an old French word meaning 'to bite'.
Mordant is a Newcastle-based label with six releases under its belt so far.
Mordant is dank, moody city, located in the chill northern reaches of the Syrinwald Swamp.
Mordant is a PowerPC 32 bit painting program.

From Barbelith, yet again.

Top 40

troubled diva has a list of the Top 40 UK weblogs, by number of links. I'm not on it and it's ALL YOUR FAULT. I hate you.

Random Plug

Don't like it here? Fine-- just go. Go! Go! LinkMachineGo!

"What part of non-profit do they not understand?"

Heads up, dog-oglers-- the .org registery is up for sale to the highest bidder! However, all is not lost-- yet. Check out the IMS and ISC's joint campaign to become the .org TLD operator and lend your support here: IMS Signals: .org is a public trust

(Found via the Barbelith Underground.)

"And Heven knows I'm miserable now..."

Sooo, no real updates for a while. Sorry, been busy writing other stuff so no hatey hate for yoooo-ooou!

Okay, I finally scored another day-job. It's a two-and-a-half week cleaning/light repairs gig, starting on Thursday. (The phone thing I started lastThirsday turned out to be one of those scams where they get you in to work for them and then don't pay you, something I sussed out only after I'd wasted an entire morning cold-calling people.) Today I had a half-day of cleaning work, sick cover in a bail hostel. Not quite as skanky as it sounds, but damn nearly. I've never been issued with a personal attack alarm at work before. Lovely.

I've pretty much finished one story I was working on, but I've got an idea which I think will flesh it out and make it much more rich. I like to hang on to my stories for a few weeks after they're done in any case, just so I can cast a fresh eye over them before they go out. Also I've made a start on a couple of sample atricles that I can punt out to the trade mags.

All-in-all, things are starting to look up a little. I'm still flat broke, but it's only for a couple more weeks and then I get paid.
Mmmmmm..... paiiiid....

Perfect final

identity theory | cyber district - creating the perfect e-name