You are all my bug-guzzling lunatic slaves.

And yet, you have failed me. I gave you one simple magickal ritual to perform and yet somehow-- somehow-- I am still putting earrings in boxes instead of having a nice cushy column somewhere.

You may yet redeem yourselves, however.

You may remember the Grauniad's bloody stupid Best British Blog competition, yes? And you may remember that I had entered for said competition.

Now, see that sigil ritual which you all so pathetically failed at before? Do it again, only with getting me that £1000 prize as your stated intent.

Do not fail me again, puny ones.