This just in:

Psst! C'm'ere. I need to tell you something. Come close. Closer. Closer still... RAGGGGH!

You're wrong, you morons--WRONG! You want to know why you're wrong? Because you never pay the slightest bit of attention to what's going on around you. I don't mean the big stuff like war, famine, death, and plague. I've given up trying to persuade you slack-jawed gawpers to watch the bloody NEWS with one ounce of the drooling, detail-hungry attention that you lavish unquestioningly on Eastenders. No, I'm talking about the stuff that's going on right under your noses.

I realise that the complex interplay of human relations can be a dauntingly complex thing, never moreso than in the nebulous text-based realms of Cyberspace™. However, I put it to you, dear reader, that if you OCCASIONALLY PAID ATTENTION to what's happening rather that percieving everything through a thick obtenebrating layer of UNINFORMED LAZY ASSUMPTIONS AND UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOUR you might actually glean some tiny inkling of WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.

And no, making Bambi-eyes and saying "but what did happen? Please tell me so that I may understand!" doesn't count. Everyone's sick to death of you doing that. Everyone's very likely sick to death of the whole subject anyway so explaing what happened in minute and tedious detail really doesn't appeal. Either go and find out for yourself or stop shit-stirring. You're not making any friends here, bucko.

Or you could just swallow the sodden compost of lies, half-truths and self-pity that you're being fed by manipulative scumbunnies whose tiny minds (lazy and atrophied from lack of use as they may be) are somehow just that little bit more agile than yours. Go on. Cram it into your mouth, smear it on your lips and cheeks. Mmmm. Nummy compost.

(No, I don't have any particular event/sequence of events/person/people in mind. I wish I did. I wish that your compost-guzzling habits were not as widspread-- nay, universal-- as they seem to be. I'm not talking to you personally. You can take your hand out of your underwear now.)

I hate you all.

Wankers.