A bored gen-Xer writes...

I know what I need. I need a regular column somewhere; once a week'd do it. Needn't even be a big flashy high-profile publication. Yeah, I know I have little experience and less journalistic education, but since most columnists are bobbins anyway I don't see that it makes much difference.

I have basic literacy skills, and I don't bang on endlessly about how mad/useless my pard'ner is in completely stereotypical terms which insult one gender and embarass the other. I do not whine about how difficult it is to live my hideously overpaid life, I don't spend half a page complaining bitterly because my 17-year-old Latvian nanny wants Sunday off. I have no children to endlessly brag/kvetch about. I actually watch a goddamn news broadcast now and again, and read news media besides the bloody Guardian Weekend fashion pages. I update this sucker at least once a week- which seems to be more than a lot of "star" columnists manage. To be sure, I whine about my probs, but at least I have weird problems with lasers and stuff.

Yeah. That would rock. Gimme a column, world. Are you listening? Hello? Moderately talented under-thirty here! I can use a spell-checker and I have a tatt! And a madonna! I'd look cute in a byline! I know how to use my bloody email! I have more than three braincells! GIVE ME A REGULAR COLUMN NOW!!!