Goth In Fancying Xander More Than Spike Shock


STOP PRESS! In a statement that sent shockwaves across the six people who were still talking to her after she admitted to not fancying David Borenaz four months ago, a dreary black-clad neurotic today confessed that she didn't fancy James Marsters either.

BLEACH

"Well, I like the clothes he wears on the show and everything but the bleach job is a mistake. He's quite nice as a brunette," remarked the ghastly self-obsessed Gen-Xer. "And if you ask me, he could do with more meat on his bones."

BOOZE

"I'm disgusted," said another sorry fishnet-clad loser. "I used to talk to Mordant if I met her in a club or something, but only because she was generally on her own and always had booze. And was too drunk to notice if you nicked it."

"Yeah," chimed in a similarly attired social reject. "She even said that Riley was more fun than Angel. I mean, shhuh, yeauhh, right?"

B+S 4 EVAH + B+A 4 EVAH

Meanwhile, the various B/S and B/A relationshippers have formed an uneasy alliance, marshalling their forces to deal with the freak. They have issued the fanfic equivalent of a fatwah; should Mordant submit any kind of fanfic, they will give her really horrible feedback and then email the URL to Karen from Ohio's kids, along with the offender's description and email addy.

"It's harsh, but it's the only way," the B/S+B/A vs MC allience said.

BALONEY

A guy claiming to be mates with Joss Whedon's cousin stated: "I can hook you up with Joss, no problem. He's a really good mate. Whenever I'm in the states we get together for a pint. He's always looking for new talent, and you might fit the bill, baby. No, it's true! I am mates with Joss, and I can get you a part on the show. Like, a top part, sugar."

BAPS

"That Sandra Glenda Michaels is getting saggy baps," he confided, before being hauled out of his seat by a large gentleman in an industrial-grade nametag.

BOOT

The large gentleman commented: "Oh, sure. And what was it last time? Oh yeah. You're Doctor Avalanche's half-brother, and you wrote all his songs. Oi! Who let this sh*tehawk in? He's barred!"


No-one even remotely connected with BtVS was availiable for comment.