Spacebar.

I'm in town to do a wee bit of flat-hunting, so I thought I'd stop off at bagsnatcher central, otherwise known as the easyinternet caff. This place is a total shambles. There's no chair-fights today, but someone has broken the keyboard next to me and nicked half the spacebar. Who nicks half a spacebar?

I should be putting up ads to advertise my valuable services as a teacher of The Language of Shakespere (and also the language of McDonald's. And, increasingly, the McDonald's of languages. Meh). However I'm having an attack of the dithers; not sure where or how to start. Private lessons are a bit different to working in a classroom. I'll just have to bite the bullet and jump in there... Wish my Spanish was better. I can read it really well now but I still sound totally paella'n'chips when I open my mouth. Still and all, I must try. Sorry, I'm obsessing a bit.

Talking of obsessing....

Dear BTcentralplus-using person,

Have you really got nothing better to do? I mean, really, nothing? How many times a day do you need to visit my blog? In a hunter-gatherer sense, that is. What exactly are you hoping for? A divine revelation? The face of the Blessed Virgin? Fifty pee off your next purchase of Noodle Doodles?

Of course, I write to be read, so in that sense your interest is gratifying. But dude (or dudette), you really need to get out a bit more. Take a walk. Smell the flowers. Have a donut. Take up macrame. Do anything, only get a life.

Love'n'huggles, Carnie xx