'Shawoman.'

Okay, this is one of the reasons why I fucking hate all you people and wish I could just sell crap on eBay instead of having a job where I have to talk to any of you pointless, feebleminded doombrains EVER AGAIN. You see this? You see this word? What the fuck is this word? "Shawoman." Anyone over the age of fucking 12 who uses the term 'shawoman,' especially if it's in a self-descriptive sense, should be bludgeoned unconscious with their Talking Stick and garroted with their £60 made-in-a-fucking-Korean-sweatshop dreamcatcher.

You know what calling yourself a fucking 'Shawoman' says about you? It says: "I am an ignorant loser who, in trying to inject some meaning into my sad, vacant existance, have embarked on the Shamanic path because I though it sounded cooler than Wicca, without the tiniest, bittiest notion of what I'm doing, and because I'm such a total fucking tool my first step along this path, instead of READING A GODDAMN BOOK OR TWO, has been to set up a fucking web-page with pictures of my cats on it and loads of search terms and FUCK ALL ELSE so that when Mordant Carnival is looking for shit on Google she ends up at my fucking webpage and suffers ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN the agony of realising that she is ENTIRELY SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS and has to go away and kick stuff until she feels better. P.S.: I am also a 'femeinist', a word which I can neither spell nor properly understand, since I think it means bitching about my ex-boyfriend a lot whilst taking absolutely no control or responsibility over my own life."

Listen up, Lady RedHawkeDolphinSeleneFaekneesElvenHair and friends. I've adapted this from wikipedia and other sources so you can get your tiny fucking minds round it.

The role of the fucking Shaman varies between cultures, but it usually denotes a person of power and influence within the tribe (so, not you then), who provides medical and other fucking aid to their fucking community, through supernatural means. (Incidentally, this means that if you decide to go with this whole shamanic path thing, you'll need to get some kind of community other than Pixie and Mojo, your fucking cats.)

Now, this next part could save you from having your FUCKING WHALESONG CDS SMASHED INTO JAGGED SHARDS AND FORCE-FED TO YOU WITH FUCKING TABASCO so listen carefully:

Shaman: (saman) is a term in fucking Evenk, fucking Manchu and other fucking Manchu-Tungus languages. The word is FUCKING GENDER NEUTRAL, you stupid jackass, and can refer to either fucking male or fucking female practitioners. The fucking plural is shamans.

This has been a public sevice announcement from the Stop Pissing Off Mordant Before She Kills Again coalition.