Armed robbery 101

(A coda to the events of Wednesday the 10th of July)


1) Do not go on the rob at 4:00 in the afternoon.

Not many people know this but 4:00 in the afternoon is when all the kids get out of school. They, or their parents, may notice your black balaclava and sunglasses and conclude that something is amiss.

2) Do not knock off two businesses in one area in one afternoon.

Even if you only get a few hundred quid from the off-licence, resist the temptation to pop into the bookies for another go. It may have occured to the bloke in the offie to phone the police, who in turn may decide to start looking for you.

3) Do not "hide" evidence under a car where everyone can see it.

Especially when you've just run past half a dozen six-foot tall wheelie bins, many containing rubbish which could easily camoflage anything else you put in them.

4) Do not leave your black balaclava lying around for hair and fibre to play with.

Ditto your half-smoked cigarette. Although DNA evidence is the least of your worries if you've already broken the next rule...

5) Do not leave a packet of cigarettes covered in your dabs in with the gun you used for the hold up. Ditto sunglasses with even better fingerprints on them.


Just in case you think I'm on the side of the robbers, here's a tip for the police:

When cordoning off an estate so as to catch a miscreant, ask a local person if there's any other way out of said estate. That way you don't end up looking like wallies when the moron described above nips down a short-cut.