Friday, September 13, 2002

Jive turkey takes epileptic for £3500

Perth, Scotland: An epileptic has been ordered to pay ludicrous amounts of compensation to a woman who claimed she suffered post-traumatic stress after seeing his face during a seizure.

Edwin Young has been told that he must cough up three and a half grand to compensate ripoff merchant Yvonne Rennie for the "trauma" she suffered as a result of seeing his face during a fit.

Young apparently suffered an epileptic fit while driving. He crashed into the vehicle that self-centered histeronic Rennie was driving, causing her slight injuries. Suspected prat Young owned up to having caused the accident and was duly ordered to pay a reasonably hefty fifteen hundred for Rennie's injuries, plus another grand to hire her a counsellor.

Sheriff Michael Fletcher, who one sincerely hopes was on glue or something at the time because if he makes this sort of judgement straight there's no hope for him, said: "The defender's face was contorted and this led the pursuer to believe that he was having a heart attack and was dying... The image of his face upset her." Presumably if Young really had died, this bozo would have ordered his grieving relatives to pay double.

Grade-A dillweed Fletcher admitted that Rennie was probably exaggerating the psychological impact of the incident, saying "For instance, although the accident happened at traffic lights and none of the vehicles was travelling excessively fast, the pursuer indicated she thought she was going to be killed." However, he still ordered Young to give the scrounger another three and a half thousand quid.

What the hell an epo was doing driving a bloody car in the first place is a mystery to those epileptics who haven't even been on a bicycle since they got diagnosed. Young is suspected in some quarters of being a complete prat who deserves everything he got and of being bastard lucky he didn't get himself killed.

Mrs Rennie said: "You cannot write anything about this. I will be contacting Tony Blair about this."

Mr Young said: "She can get stuffed."

Chronic epileptic Mordant Carnival said: "After witnessing this disgusting spectacle of greed, selfishness and total stupidity, I have post-traumatic stress. Can I have three and a half grand, please?"

Mordant Carnival's boyfriend, who has seen her have upwards of a hundred fits, remains strangely untraumatized. And he has to wipe up the drool.

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