I've changed my mind.
Things are fun, today at least, and I am appreciating every lucious moment and hurling my fun-having into your face like a big squishy Pie of Fun, but they (things) are not good. If things were good, I would have a job, and my job would be to write stuff.
I have no focus and I can't finish anything and right now I can't start anything and arrgggghhh. Argh argh argh. Why the hell did I decide to go into electronics?
Why, having gone into electronics and having found it impossible to find work in the field besides checking for shorts and dry joints, did I persist in banging my head against that brick wall?
Why am I here, now, in this life?
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why do I have writer's block all the time now?
How come it took me so long to get a grip on what I needed to be doing?
Why can't I come up with one teeny-tiny workable idea?
Why does everything I write seem so cheap and trite an derivative and somehow rootless, like bad fanfic in search of a fandom?
Why does everything take so damn long when the days go by so fast?
Why doesn't anyone tell me what the rules are until the game's over and I've lost?
Is my life really over, am I really washed up at 29?
What is it with people like me, why do we do what we do?
Why do we take the shit that we take?
How come, after a total of six years of studying (not to mention various short courses in this, that and the other), I can't earn more than the minimum wage?
How come it's still poxy jobs with poxy money and poxy H&S violations that have so far left me in near-constant pain, cost me much of the feeling in two fingers of my right hand and will indubitably cost me more the longer I keep doing jobs like that?
Should I just chuck it all in and join the Exodus Collective?
Where can I find a job doing what I'm good at?
Why, when I can paint, draw, write, sing, solder, read circuit diagrams, knit, sew, spin, dye, conduct minor household repairs, dig, plant, pot on, take cuttings, sweep (floors and streets both) and use many popular software packages, can I not find someone to pay me to do one or a combination of those things?
Why are half the things I'm good at several hundred years out of date?
Why aren't there any jobs out there where I can actually use the skills I have rather than having to learn a bunch of new and frankly very boring skills on the fly so I'm underperforming and I look like a moron and I never get promoted or even given a long-term contract?
Why does everyone keep telling me to go into IT?
Do I look like I'm going to enjoy a long and productive career in IT?
How come I'm still searching for work that is so far below my skills level?
How come I can't even get the work that is so far below my skills level?
What is my skills level?
Do I even belong in this world?
Where do I go if I don't?