Hey, reader!

Tired of those pesky alien abductions? Tinfoil beanie just not working out for you? This site has the answer-- Velostat! Stopabductions.com gives you a Blue Peter-style guide to making your very own Though Shield Helmet. A satified Thought Shield Helmet user writes: “Since trying Michael Menkin’s Helmet, I have not been bothered by alien mind control. Now my thoughts are my own.I have achieved meaningful work and am contributing to society.My life is better than ever before.Thank you Michael for the work you are doing to save all humanity.”

Damn! I nicked a load of anti-static bags out the bin at one of my old jobs. I'm pretty sure they were Velostat. If I'd known that I could turn them into Thought Shield Helmets I'd've hung onto them. Could've made a fortune.

The part I liked best about this site was the Case Histories section...

November, 1999

Woman who reported abduction experiences as the type described by David Jacobs and Bud Hopkins. She said the alien brought her to orgasm by mental suggestion.

And she gets a helmet to stop this happening? Now we know she's crazy.

She reports complete success and has been wearing a helmet 24 hours a day for a year and a half. Her husband says she even bathes with it on.

Shampoo and conditioner? Not for this lady!

This woman was extremely traumatized by her abduction experience. Her husband had her hospitalized for several months when she insisted she was abducted.

%You don't say.% The question for me is what the heck she's doing out.

After wearing the helmet for several months she said she became much more stable and focused.

Uh huh. Someone should really have a word with the husband about all this. One of his freinds should swing an arm round his shoulders, steer him off out of earshot and then say "Look, mate, your missus is a great person, and we're all very fond of her. But-- DUDE! She's wearing a STATIC-SHIELDED HAT IN THE TUB! D'you not think your insurance would spring for just a wee bit longer in the psych ward?"